The first 40 (hours)

I have been in India for a whopping 40 hours so far, it might as well have been 40 days for how homesick I am already feeling. Despite all the claims everyone has been making about how modern India is, it definitely is not feeling like the United States in the 21st century, I'm not even sure that it feels like the United States circa ever. New York City feels like Missoula, Montana compared to how crowded Bombay is, I mean Mumbai (I still have yet to get the skinny on the Bombay/Mumbai issue).

The first thing I noticed when I got to work on Tuesday morning was how much taller I am than everyone else here. For those of you that know me, you know I am a towering 5'3," to compensate I like to rock the 3 to 4 inch heels at work. With the heels and properly hemmed pants I appear to be a reasonable 5'6" or 5'7." This my friends, is not very reasonable in Mumbai. In my heels I towered over all the girls in the office and was at eye level of most of the guys. In normal circumstance this would not be a big deal, I would go with it, but most people already look at me like I'm from outer space. One would think that being Indian myself, I would blend in and no one would be the wiser- this has NOT been my experience so far. I am not sure how they can tell, but everyone seems to know I am not a legit Indian (even when I am not talking).

When I am talking there is no question about it, I only get the you are from outer space look. The funny thing is even when people expect something to be said in english and I say something in english they do not seem to understand me. Today I went to lunch at the "canteen" (translation: cafeteria). I went to one of the counters and found that they had a "Cheese Sandwich" on the menu and I could see some panini presses behind the counter, so I was fairly confident that I would be getting a Grilled Cheese Sandwich... excellent! So I decide to order this, I walk directly to the counter because as I learned yesterday that there is no concept of a line or waiting in line, its more of a rush the person you want to talk to and start talking to them approach. Once at the counter I say "Cheese Sandwich" because for sure "Grilled Cheese" would have confused the guy. Adding any word "fluff," like "I would like a" or "Please" would have been a disaster. Unfortunately, "Cheese Sandwich" wasn't very much less confusing, he looked at me like I ordered something in Japanese that was not even on the menu. The exchange went as follows-

Me: Cheese Sandwich

Guy: (Confused Face)

Me: Cheese Sandwich

Guy: (Confused Face... Looks at friend)

Me: CHEESE Sandwich. (Pointing at giant sign that says Cheese Sandwich)

Friend: Cheesge Saaanndhvich

Guy: Indian head nod

After I finally managed to get my Cheesge Saaanndhvich, it turned out it wasn't half bad. The ketchup they gave me with my Cheesge Saaanndhvich was another story though!

Obviously Mumbai is not what I expected it would be like- but It's pretty entertaining so far. My hotel however, is pretty sick. This is the view from outside my window:

This is the hotel pool where I will be wilin' out this weekend. I have been checking out the pool situation every morning when I wake up and thus far I have yet to see person the first actually swimming in the pool or laying out by the pool. I have however seen lots of people cleaning the pool and the area surrounding the pool.

The picture taken from the window in my room really does not do this pool justice so check out the picture from the hotel website.

More pictures of the view from my room are on facebook.

More official pictures are on the hotel website.

Customs in India

Why is going to customs and immigration always so shady? I went through customs a couple hours ago with two laptops - one company issued and one client issued. Immediately I was pulled aside and questioned about the laptop situation. I explained to the customs agent that I was in India for business and both laptops were company issued laptops and I needed them for work. She begins to explain that I need to pay the duties for the second laptop. I am by no means an expert on assessing duties and customs regulations but I was under the impression that you don't pay duties on things that belong to you i.e. you brought into the country to use and you will take with you when you leave. So I relay this understanding to the customs agent and she does the Indian head nod thing that I am not sure if means yes or no and continues to reiterate that I need to pay the duties on the 2nd laptop. Customs is customs and I believe in abiding by the rules of the country you are in (I feel myself wanting to launch into a tirade about Lara Ling, but I will refrain), so I say ok and ask her how much I owe. She pauses for a few seconds and asks how much the laptops were purchased for. I of course don't know since I didn't purchase either of these laptops- I tell her they are about 2 years old so maybe they are worth $800 USD a piece. She busts out the calculator to determine how much I owe, which floored me because I thought Indian people, especially Indian people from India were supposed to be really awesome at math and spelling. But in any case, she says I owe $180. I say sure, I mean not a big deal for me because I am going to charge this in, these are not even my laptops. I do however ask her to give me a copy of the policy that says the duties are assessed on laptops that are to be used for business. She looks at me for a second and tells me don't worry she'll give me a receipt. A receipt is great, but I still want a copy of some policy, because the last thing I need right now is an audit of my expenses. Without really acknowledging my request she turns and starts flipping through a book at her desk. At this point I am not really sure what is going on or what she is doing, but she has my passport so I just continue to wait. After a few minutes she leaves, still with passport in hand. She comes back with another book and says she has the policy- but doesn't really make any attempt to let me see it. I ask to read it and she hands it to me, the page is talking about laptops and duties and things that are related to the situation I am in, in the fact that the document talks about laptops and fees, but not really describing any situation close to the one I am in. As I am reading- not really making much sense of this book and starting to not really care and wanting to just give her $180 so I can leave- she suddenly says "You are really going to leave with both laptops, right?" I say "Yes, they belong to [insert name of company], I have to take them back with me." This brings on a final head nod, which I assumed meant OK because I hightailed it outta there and no one followed me.

I am not sure what the more shady part is- trying to exact these duties on my laptop for no reason or letting me go without paying them.

International Airports

So it turns out that flight attendants, gate agents and airport personnel in international airports are on just as much of a power trip as their respective counterparts in the United States. I am not sure why I thought that this would be any different in other parts of the world.

This morning I am at the counter to talk to the Lufthansa guard of the Star Alliance Gold lounge during my layover in Frankfurt and he's giving me static about not having my United Premiere Exec card. I am asking him very simple and polite questions to figure out what I need to do to get into this lounge (besides flying over 50 thousand soul crushing miles this year so far). And he says to me:

"I zoo nut hhhhaveee timee to explain, I am verrrry beeezzey."

I wanted to scream at him:

"You get paid to stand here and deal with people that walk up to this counter. Explaining this to me is EXACTLY what you should have time for!"

Instead I just nodded and smiled stiffly and walked away. He better just wait till I am back for the layover on my return flight. He'll get his.

So not only are international gate agents on a power trip, one woman totally tried to pull a fast one on me.

I am sitting at the gate, post altercation with German lounge guard, and an agent approaches me and asks me very officially if I have filled out this form. I get slightly concerned and say no, what form do I need to fill out. She responds with some official description of what very obviously is Lufthansa's mileage account. After the newly realized uselessness of all my stupid United Miles, I had no intention of signing up for more useless crap that will only lead to electronic and physical spam mail. I say "No Thanks" and go back to my book (which is awesome - details on this forthcoming). This for some reason appalls her and she continues to tell me - in her very official international gate agent manner - that this is something that is very important for me to fill out. After her 7.5 minute tirade on the importance of filling out this application, I tell her I already have a miles account. When she realized that I know that there is no reason I have to deal with her and her un-fruitful mileage account she finally says OK and leaves. Of course, she begins her official harassment of the next person over...

And it begins.

Sometimes I say stuff... and no one is around to hear the hilarious, exciting, annoying or just plain ridiculous things that I say, see or do. This is because, I travel at least 5 days a week and 50 weeks out of the year so I end up sharing more of the day to day goings-ons of my life with people that are practically strangers to me. Namely, co-workers, flight attendants, the lady that sells me coffee every morning at Alonti cafe, cab drivers and the security guards in the buildings I work in.

I want this blog to be a way to share the little things that happen every day that are worth mentioning with my friends and family, but not really worth mentioning weeks or months after they happen.