Personal Training

For as long as I can remember, I have always been afraid of the weight training section of the gym (I am not counting lifting 2 lb weights in my basement as weight training). I generally steer clear because:

a) I don't want to hurt myself by dropping something on my foot or dropping something on someone else's foot thereby causing them to hurt me.
b) The area is usually crowed with lots of very large dudes grunting and moving around with more purpose than Homer Simpson on his way to Moe's and I don't want to get trampled.

I decided to overcome my fear of the weight training section of the gym by meeting with a personal trainer at the gym at my hotel. I had my first personal training session yesterday, my trainer Manish (fitting name for a jacked up dude), showed me how to use some of the machines and lift some dumbbells.

For 50 minutes Manish showed me how to use various weight training machines and do some moves with dumbbells. While we were going through this exercise I couldn't help but think "Man I am SOOO weak, I am struggling lifting 5lbs." Luckily about 30 minutes in I realized that the weights were measured in kilograms, so I was still weak, but not as weak as I originally thought! Manish seemed like he knew what he was talking about because:

a) He was pretty jacked up himself, so he had to know a thing or two about working out
b) He kept filling me in on what ever '"oid" I was working out, deltoid, romboid, blah, blah blah

While we were weight training, Manish kept saying "Good" or "Very Nice," I am not sure if I actually was doing a good job or he was offering words of encouragement because I was paying him... He certainly did not yell at me like Jillian from the Biggest Loser (which I was a tiny bit sad about).

After the weight training we did 10 minutes of stretching. OMG guys, this was the best part of paying someone to make you exercise! This was not like the half-assed stretching you do on your own after a run cos you feel like you have to but really you just want to call it quits, this was like stretch arm strong stretching.

Despite all the stretching I am sore today, very sore. My whole upper body is sore, my arms are sore, my arm-pits are sore, my back is sore, my chest is sore. I never really was sure what was going on with the arm pit area, but apparently its muscles, muscles are what is going on and they are sore!

Accidental Double Date

I accidentally went on a double date a couple weekends ago...

A few days after the Hill Station incident I ran into the same breakfast crew while I was getting my coffee. Today the topic of conversation was weekend plans. Everyone was talking about a new movie that was coming out on Friday, called Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kani, or something like that (I know I am butchering the title). Someone asked me if I would go see the movie, I said I would, it seemed like it would be funny and the cutie Ranbir Kapoor is in it.

So Friday afternoon I get the following txt from one of the members of the lunch crew.

"Movie Sat? Jail or Gazam? Inorbit? - Adam"

I figured that this was a mass text out to the breakfast crew from the day before and replied. I got to the movie theater on Saturday afternoon to find out that the only people there are Adam, Rane, his wife and myself. I immediately think to myself, "I really hope that this is not supposed to be a double date." We watched the movie and afterward everyone started making plans for what to do next; get food, head to the beach, etc. At this point I attempt to excuse myself from the remainder of the nights activities, because I needed to buy a couple things from the mall. No such luck, everyone decides that running my errands with me will be more fun than going to the beach. I guess it was supposed to be a double date.

After my errands the making of post movie plans starts again... Again I say I can't go because I have some other plans already for that night, which I legitimately did (I was going to go out to this club called Bling with my cousin's husband's cousin, who lives in Mumbai also, thats another story though).

At this point Rane says to me very disapprovingly, "You know if you spent time trying to get to know people here, you will find they are very nice." To this I could only stare back at him in silence for about half a minute. Pretty harsh, I went to the movie, not sure how friendly he wanted me to be...

Aaawkwaaard

I would like to think that I am pretty socially aware; I can read between the lines, I can tell when guys are hitting on me, I can tell when someone is paying me a compliment that they really don't mean. This is true in the United States, in India I am pretty socially awkward, and not for lack of trying, I just don't seem to really get if what people say is what they really mean. I find myself thinking, after almost every conversation I have with someone, "Well, that was aaaawkwaaard."

One day a few weeks ago I went to the cafeteria to get some coffee and breakfast, usually I just eat alone and book it back to my desk. On this day I ran into some of the developers from my bay in the cafeteria getting breakfast as well. They invited me to join them, so I did, because I figured I should try to be social and make friends. So there are 6 of us sitting at a table eating, of course everyone is interested in hearing about how I like India, what I have done so far, etc. This is all fine, the awkwardness starts when someone suggests I should go visit a "Hill Station."

Rane: You should go to a Hill Station one weekend.
Me: Yea, maybe. How far is it? (Not really knowing what a hill station was)
Rane: 3 hour drive, you need a car. [Turns to friend] Adam, you have a car. You should take her. For a weekend.
Adam: [Looking uncomfortable] Ok.
Me: [Looking uncomfortable but not saying anything because blurting out No would be rude]
Rane: Great! We will go this weekend. [Turns to me] We'll all go.
Me: (Thinking: Oh shit this is going to be horrible, I need to get out of this somehow)
Adam: I have to go to a wedding this weekend.
Rane: Ok, we will make a plan for some other weekend.
Me: [Smiling uncomfortably] (Thinking: Well, that was aaawkwaaard)

I mean, I know Indian people like to show up to each other's houses uninvited and expect there to magically be a three course meal waiting for them... but volunteering someone for a weekend trip because they have a car seems like a bit much. I wasn't really sure what to make of this. I ran this by my friend, Robert, at work and he confirmed that this was pretty abnormal.

As the weeks went by I found out that Rane's odd behaviour was a result of him self-appointing himself to orchestrate ways for Adam and me to see each other.

So middle school. So not working.

Number 1

A couple years ago I picked up this silly saying about looking out for number one, ie yourself, as time has gone by I have taken this to heart. I wish I remembered where I heard this from or why it stuck as well as it did (if someone does remember, remind me!). Over the years (half in earnest and half in jest) I have said "You gotta look out for number one" in response to a lot of things: getting out of things I didn't want to do, making sure my young nieces remembered that life was not all about making other people happy, working out when I should be doing something of more utility (like work, laundry, spending time with my family), and million other things... Most of my friends and family know that I won't do things just because you are supposed to or out of obligation, so they don't even bother trying to wear me down about certain things because they know it just won't happen. (The only exception to the rule is my Mom, if she says it, it pretty much goes)

A few days ago, I heard about something that took place while I was in India and I thought it was pretty callous. It's not something really worth making a big deal of, because I am sure it won't end up affecting my life in the long run, but it certainly was something that left me speechless for a minute or two (and I usually ALWAYS have something to say). When I finally did formulate a thought, I couldn't help but think "The girl took lookin' out for number one pretty effin' seriously."

I am issuing an official amendment to the number one rule for myself: When looking out for number one make sure you are not mauling down numbers two through 25ish (or even running over one of their pinky toes a little bit).

Cool songs about number one.

Goldfrapp - Number One

Ms. John Soda - No. 1

Also, it's good to be home again, even if it is just for a week. :-)

Thanksgiving/Halloween

Everyone loves Halloween.  How could you not love halloween?  You get to dress up as whatever you heart desires, get into all sorts of trouble, and shriek wildly pretty much anytime anyone walks by.   Unfortunately, halloween is  not a holiday that is celebrated in India.  This was very sad for me.  (I even brought Halloween cards with me from the United States to give to all the new and awesome friends I was planning on making in India...)  

Since I missed it I am planning on making it up to myself and to all of you who didn't get to have as awesome of a Halloween because I was not around.  Halloween this year is a re-do, so everyone get ready for... Hallowgiving! Yup, you heard it.  I will be dressing up for Thanksgiving.  

My costume ideas so far are:   

Pumpkin, both Halloween and Thanksgiving themed 
Turkey, will be fun for all the kiddies 
Bumble bee, only cos that's what I wanted to be for Halloween   

I am open to suggestions if any one has any better ideas.   

I almost forgot the most important news: I will be home for the week of Thanksgiving, I get in to Dulles, Friday, November 20th at 2:30PM. 

*The inflatable turkey above was in a care package from some of my co-workers in Chicago. Thanks Scott, Sam and Allison!!!

$$$

Yesterday I went to the local D-Mart to buy some eye drops.  I handed over a one thousand rupee note to pay for the eye drops that cost Rs. 110.  The sales clerk takes a look at it and pushes it back to me and says "I can't take this note" and points to the ripped corner of the note, which I had not even noticed previously.  I am thinking to myself, "Can this guy be for real, but ok... fine."  I ask him what I should do with this slightly damaged 1000 rupee note, he tells me I have to go to the bank to exchange this for an undamaged note.  Annoying... yes, but, not totally ridiculous.  Mostly annoying because I don't carry very much cash on me or a credit card (since I don't really need very much cash on the daily), so I had to leave without my eye drops. 

This morning I asked my driver if he would go to the bank and exchange this damaged note for an undamaged one.  He calls me about 30 minutes after he dropped me off at work and says "The bank won't exchange it, they want the missing piece."  Un-fuckin-believable.  Do they think someone else is going to try to exchange the tiny missing corner for a new note?   I am so irritated by this.  Not that a wasted Rs. 1000, $21.60 USD, is an unrecoverable loss for me, but IT IS for some people here.  Like my driver, who went to the Bank to exchange this for me, he makes between 5000 Rs. and 10,000 Rs. a month, depending on how much overtime he works.  If he were to have withdrawn this very 1000 rupee note from an ATM that would have been A FIFTH of his income, POOF! GONE!, and there is nothing that he could have done about it.  How is someone supposed to recover from something like this?  

It's things like this that make me miss home, things that should be simple but aren't.  Running over to the drug store to buy eye drops should not be an ordeal that takes three days.  You come to appreciate how you can walk into any store back home and use a bill as long as you have at least a 2/3rds of it.  If its ripped completely in half you can just tape it together and go to the bank and get a new one, no questions asked.  

With this useless 1000 rupee note, I could have purchased the following:  
30 lunches at the canteen
200 tiny cups of black coffee from the canteen
4 movie tickets
2 redbull vodkas
50 loaves of bread
4 cans of lunch meat in a can
6 awesome watches off the street
20 cups of coffee from Cafe Coffee Day (The Starbucks of India)
83 Vada Pav sandwiches from Jumbo King
1 Marriott burger,fries and a diet coke from room service at the Renaissance (I know its ridiculously over priced)

 I know all this, because I have purchased all of the above while in Mumbai.

Bean Bag 32668802

For some reason through out the city of Mumbai people have tagged walls, fences, and buildings with "Bean Bag" and a phone number.

I found this to be really perplexing. I know what a bean bag is, everyone knows what a bean bag is-- giant bag filled with beans that is not really as comfortable to sit on as you would think. But why would Bean Bag be tagged all over the city?

I asked my new driver, Jhaved, what 'Bean Bag' meant. He said bean bags are "The flowers that float on Lake Powai, people collect them and can sell by calling the Bean Bag number." I thought this was a little odd, but I didn't question him about this.

Today at work I instant messaged one of my co-workers, to confirm what Jhaved had said.

Me... hey
do you have a sec?
Co-worker... hi
sure
Me... i have a kind of random question
Co-worker... go ahead
Me... have you seen that there is this graffiti around the city that says bean bag and has a phone number
what does that mean?
Co-worker...
it means that if you'd like to buy a bean bag, u could call that number
u see, bean bags are quite expensive
and these guys supposedly sell it for cheap
Me... A giant bag filled with beans to sit on, right?
Co-worker... right
Me... ok. mystery solved. thanks

Turns out, sometimes things are exactly what you think they are.

Red Tape

A part of working at Big Time Consulting is incurring expenses, while I have been in India I have incurred my fair share of expenses.  In order to get reimbursed for all these expenses on the 15th and last day of every month all Big Time Consulting employees have to make copies of all their receipts and the bar coded envelope that they use to mail them in before dropping this envelop in the mail.  Although annoying, this is pretty easy to do, when in the United States.    

Since Big Time Consulting is an global consulting firm you would think this would be pretty easy to execute while at Big Time Consulting Mumbai Office.  This has not been the case.  At every US Big Time Consulting office you will find stacks upon stacks of expense envelopes, one type for mailing expenses from inside the United States and one type for mailing expenses from outside the United States.  On September 30th I walked over to the Facilities and Services office at the Mumbai office and asked for some international expense envelopes so I could mail my expenses.  Of course, they had no idea what I was talking about.  Apparently you can only get international expense envelopes while you are physically in a domestic Big Time Consulting office.  I placed an order to have said international expense envelopes mailed to me at the hotel and finally 15 days after they were mailed I got them!   

Today after I xeroxed my receipts and envelopes I headed to the mail room in the office to drop off my envelopes and finally put an end to the "Missing Expense Notice" emails I have been receiving for the last couple weeks.  The first guy I spoke to told me I needed a charge code to mail this envelope (because we are Big Time Consulting we like to charge ourselves internally too!).  I showed him the envelope and explained that the postage would be paid by the addressee, so I didn't need to buy any postage.  He waves over his boss at this point. His boss takes a look at my envelope and says he need to make a phone call.  He calls someone and tells me to wait the person he called is on his way.  After a few minutes guy number 3 comes over and takes a look at my envelopes and makes a call to another guy.  Guy number 3 and guy number 4 confer on the telephone for a few minutes in Hindi, with a sprinkle of the English phrases that are written on the envelop: "No postage necessary if mailed to the United States;"  "International business reply mail;" "Postage will be paid by addressee."      

After the details of the envelope were discussed, I was told: 

"These envelopes are only for mailing things in the US.  You need a charge code to send this."
 
To which I replied:  
"But, it says 'International Business Reply, Postage Paid'" 
 
At this point guy number 3 smiles and responds:  
"I know. [Long Pause] But, I need a charge code for every letter."
 
I guess you can't fight the Big Time Consulting red tape, even in India.

Kelly Kapoor and The Office

I love "The Office," everyone in their right mind does, and I love Kelly from "The Office."

Charles Miner: Okay, I'm gonna call you "Kapoor", and you, "Hannon."

Kelly Erin Hannon: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.

Charles Miner: Erin? Okay, that's... very pretty.

Kelly Kapoor: Well, you know what my name is? Rajanigandha, and I hate it. I hate it!

[runs out of Charles' office]

Kevin Malone: I thought Rajanigandha was a boy's name

What's not to love?  Not only do I love Kelly who is the perfect balance of self-involved and self-deprecation, I also love Mindy Kaling, who plays Kelly on "The Office."  I decided I loved her the first time I read her blog http://mindyephron.blogspot.com/ where she blogs about things she bought that she loves!  (The only irritating thing about the blog is that she stopped updating)  

Not many of you know this but... I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is friends with Mindy.  Ok, so I don't really know what this chain is but I am pretty confident that it exists.  But, I am friends with someone who met Mindy (once) and she laughed at a joke he made and said he was funny.  He in turn thinks I am funny so I am sure if Mindy and I ever met she would think I was funny and we would hit it off and become like those inseparable best friends that play every day after school...er... I mean work, right?  Right?  

So why the tirade about how much I love Kelly and Mindy, well I just saw this: 

http://www.subtlesexuality.com/  

The music video is hilarious and awesome and I want this to spread like a case of crabs at MTVs spring break.   Also, I just saw the episode where Pam and Jim get married on the office and it was NON-STOP hilarity.  If you don't watch the office you should start stat um.  

I wish my work day was like a day at "The Office," even if it meant I had to move to Scranton, PA. 

Street (not) Meat

When I first got to India I was really careful about what I ate, I had heard the stories of days upon days spent confined to the bathroom from my co-workers in Chicago who had been here before I got here. But, as the weeks have gone by I have relaxed my strict criteria for what I will and will not eat for fear of getting sick. First I would forget to remain tight lipped in the shower, a la Charlotte in the SITC movie, thankfully I made it past that unscathed. Then there are the tiny cups of coffee that I drink, that may or may not be made with water that was brought to a full boil, it certainly isn't made with bottled water, still no terrible illness undertook me. A couple day's ago I started eating fruit with skin, that was most likely was washed in tap water, despite this my digestive system seems to be cooperating. Everyday I have been getting a little more brave or careless, whatever the case may be.

Yesterday was a turning point, with reckless abandon, I purchased my lunch from a street vendor. I ate Vada Pav, also known as the Indian version of the hamburger, from a vendor on the street. It was delicious! Vada Pav is some type of carbohydrate inside of another carbohydrate covered in chutney, what's not to like?

Since lunch of Vada Pav was a success, later in the day I ate 4 Pani Puri, also known as Gole Guppay. I had been wanting to eat these since I got to India, but had been pretty terrified because they are filled with pani, literally translating to water, which in actuality is water with a bunch of masala. I figured if I was going to get sick from eating Vada Pav off the street I might as well get really sick from eating Vada Pav and Pani Puri and call it a day.

When my Dad was in India he got really sick, despite being extremely careful the entire time he was here. After being miserable and not really talking to anyone for a couple days, one day out of the blue he declares:

"This is my last trip to India, I am never coming back!"

Although delicious, eating street food may have been the worst idea of my life, at this point this is TBD.

So...why are you in India?

Most people that know me know that I am India for work. However once in a while I hear from a friend that I don't talk to very often and they wonder why I have been missing in action for the last few weeks. The conversation invariably goes like this--

(8:33:31 PM) Friend: Where u been?
(8:33:36 PM) Me: India
(8:33:59 PM) Friend: Congrats how was ur wedding
(8:34:07 PM) Me: lol here for work
(8:34:23 PM) Friend: seriously tho u ok?

I am ok though, the first couple weeks were a little rough, but I think I have been doing ok holding my own in the worlds most heavily populated city.

The best 5K I ever spent

Ever wonder why why you see pictures of your friends and family on vacation in Mumbai they are looking a hot mess? Ever wonder why pretty much everyone, celebrities aside, are looking a hot mess in Mumbai? Well I have an answer for inquiring minds... even in the dead of what they would call "winter" here the high is at least 90 degrees and the humidity is off the charts. Ladies, its hard to look cute when you have to hose yourself down every time you get somewhere and you show up sportin' a hairstyle that looks like someones hand me down afro wig from a bad 70s costume party.

Most of you have seen my pictures on facebook and you must be thinking-- But despite the elements I am looking as cute as ever! I know I am pretty perfect, but I happened to have made one of the best decisions of my life, pretty unwittingly, before I left the US-- I got a super straight perm from Hair Mates in New York city. For around 500 bucks and 4 hours of my time I get to enjoy being able to have some of the best hair in Mumbai everyday. I am able to wash and brush my hair and walk out the door everyday. By the time I get to work my hair is pretty much dry due to the intense heat (even at 8:30 am).

For everyone out there that is tired of fighting with a blow dryer and flat iron every morning, I recommend you invest a few bucks and a few hours and get your hair permanently straightened at Hair Mates. The service is great there and the 500 covered, straightening and a hair cut. Hit the ATM first though, because the only take cash, don't hate though because C.R.E.A.M. too.

So that's 500 bucks, what about the other 4.5K you ask? I had LASIK at TLC Laser Eye Centers a mere 1 week and 3 days before I hopped on a flight to Mumbai. Everyone always raves about the improved quality of life they have after LASIK and I am jumping on that band wagon! Giddy up! I knew it would be great, but I never imagined it would be this great. I have perfect vision and I never have to worry about lost contacts, dust and dirt making my contacts uncomfortable to wear, etc. I have perfect vision from the time I get up until the time I hit the hay. I even have perfect, worry free vision in the pool where I will be tomorrow, with a stack of US Weekly's received via fed-ex today! (Thanks Gupi, love you girl!)

Shopping!!!

They say that there are somethings that transcend international borders global warming, pop music, NAFTA, etc. The thing that has followed me across the globe is... my love of shopping! I love shopping in Mumbai, it makes my day. In some ways its exactly like shopping back home and in other ways its completely different. All over the city you will find shopping malls, strip malls and sidewalk stands.

The shopping malls are for the most part exactly like American shopping malls, except newer. They are usually a couple stories tall, the floors are waxed to the point of making walking in the mall a hazard to anyone not wearing rubber soled shoes, and the food court is crawling with teenagers. The one thing that is different about the malls is- they are everywhere. I am pretty sure the mall square footage per person ratio in Mumbai is higher than anywhere in the United States by far, yes, including New Jersey.

I started out doing my shopping at the malls around my office and hotel in my free time.  The thing that I found shocking was that stuff was priced pretty equivalently to what things would cost in American Dollars.  Since yall know I love a deal, I found this to be pretty disappointing.  Not to mention I was not sure how people could afford to shop at the mall, because I know that not very many people are getting paid equivalently to what we would consider the average American mall shopper salary.  I don't even do all my shopping at the mall back home, everyone needs to stretch their dollars by looking out for the BOGOs at Giant, the price roll backs at Walmart and the unexpected cute finds at Kohl's and Target.    

So where were all the deals?  I did some asking around and I found out that there is more reasonably priced stuff to be had in the city of Mumbai.  Turns out Mumbai like New Jersey is filled with Malls AND Strip Malls!  There are strip malls all over the place with stores that sell a variety of things each usually specializing in one or two things- cell phones and cell phone accessories, shoes and handbags, men's shirts, fabric, electronics, etc.  This is where the average Mumbai shopper would be able to get a deal.  Unfortunately I haven't had as much luck here.  Why you ask?  Usually as soon as I roll up to the store front with my driver Murgan the sales person has me pegged as not being a local.  If I happen to have gotten dropped off somewhere else and walked into the store the sales person usually can spot the slightly confused/slightly terrified look that I am trying to keep under wraps.  If I still have them fooled I am busted as soon as I open my mouth.  I consistently see salesmen selling things to other customers for way less than they similar things to me.    

Ok, so not having a lot of luck with the strip mall scene, but I didn't give up.  Because I am a little ghetto and love a deal I decided to channel my love of buying stuff I don't need on Canal St. and head out to the sidewalk stands.  Yup you heard it!  The sidewalk stand scene is almost exactly like walking down Canal in August, except imagine all the Chinese people as Indian people.  

The following phrases peppered appropriately with head nods, looks of disgust at high prices, and fake walk aways have led to some awesome stuff and some awesome deals.

Vo dikhana? + pointing (Show that to me.)
Kithne ka hain?  (How much?)
Aur be colors hain? (Do you have other colors?)
500 rupees.  Final price.  (Just like "Who wants to be a millionaire?" the indication of the final price is how the sales guy knows you mean business)
My Hindi is pretty bad still, but the fact that there are a million people around coupled with the fact that there are a million stands that all sell the same things has made my bad Hindi moot.    I hope everyone likes what I got them!  

First weekend in Mumbai

I spent my first weekend in India out exploring the city of Mumbai. I was fortunate enough to have an awesome driver, Murgan, with me to show me all the sites of Mumbai and provide a personal insight into the city that only someone who has spent a lifetime in a city would have.

I spent the last three days seeing a lot of North Mumbai and Downtown Mumbai. Some of the places and things I saw most people visit when they come to Mumbai: Amitabh, Abhisheik and Ashwarya Bachan's houses, Haji Ali Dargah, Sidi Vinayak Mandir, Juhu Beach, Chowpatty Beach, Gate of India, Taj Hotel, Victoria Terminal, Fort Bandra, and The Malls.

One of the places I went to, I don't think many people make a point to see when they come to Mumbai: Chota Kashmir Garden. I would not have seen this place either had it not been for Murgun. We were at Chota Kashmir Garden on Friday, Gandhi Jayanti, a national holiday in India. The park was filled with couples and families despite the heat. It was probably at least 90 degrees out that day. After visiting the park, I asked Murgan why anyone would come out to the park when it was so hot and not that fantastic of a park. Murgan explained that this was a "Relax Point" for the city dwellers of Mumbai. Many of the young single people living in Mumbai share flats with several roommates to make living in the city affordable, this park provides a place for them to go to spend time with their significant others and get out of the city. Hearing this made seeing the one couple breaking up earlier at the park earlier even funnier than it had been before.

Although its something you know you will see, you can not prepare yourself for is the extreme poverty that is everywhere in India. When we started out on Friday morning one of the fist things we drove by were a group of shacks near the road. I asked Murgan where the slums where in Mumbai. His very frank answer was that the "Slum Points" are everywhere in Mumbai. Over the course of the next few days I found that this was very true. The "Slum Points" and poverty are not something you have to look for in Mumbai- they are everywhere. The slums are not just confined to consolidated blocks or areas. Poverty is on the sidewalk, or lack of sidewalk. In North Mumbai you will notice that along some streets there are no sidewalks- just street directly meeting shop, or make shift dwelling. Murgan was able to explain how this very gradually came to be- people would start by setting up a tarp on a sidewalk to make a place to sleep that offered protection from the ground, the next month the person would construct a tarp as roof, as they got more money they would construct walls and maybe start a business of some sort. By the time they were done although not equipped with running water or electricity, what this person had was pretty sturdy considering it started as a tarp. Time and the influx of people into Mumbai (about 29,000 per square kilometer) has lead to many of the sidewalks being completely unrecognizable as sidewalks.

The sidewalk phenomenon is not something you will find in downtown Mumbai. Downtown Mumbai as described by Murgan is the "Hi-fi" part of town. Condos and flats are extremely expensive to purchase here. As we drove around downtown on our way to The Gate of India, I noticed that I lot of the buildings were extremely run down. I asked Murgan why things were so run down if they were worth so much and expensive to rent or buy. He explained that in the early 80s India was very corrupt and tenants were being treated very unfairly in Downtown Mumbai. Indira Gandhi introduced something along the lines of what we know as "Rent Controlled Apartments." As an artifact of this, there are people renting apartments in downtown Mumbai for 200 rupees a month, the price two people would pay to eat dinner at a diner. Because of this building owners can not afford to maintain these buildings for the rent they are getting and they can't kick out the tenants that are paying a ridiculously little amount of rent- so the buildings become run down to the point of being uninhabitable. Yes, there are a lot of poor people in Mumbai, but there are a lot of poor people all over the world. A lot of what I have seen in terms of makeshift/failing-infrastructure, liter/trash and poverty is similar to what I saw when I went to Ecuador last year (I'll post those pictures shortly).

One thing that I had never seen is the prevalence of people begging, not the semi-able bodied beggars I had seen in other places, people begging that were blind, or missing limbs, or disfigured or impaired physically in some way. This is something I knew I would see while in Mumbai, but actually seeing this, I was not prepared for how utterly unable I was to help these people in that moment. Knowing that the impairment that these people have had been orchestrated for the sole purpose of generating revenue was gut wrenching. The path to Haji Ali Dargah is a 3/4 mile long walkway from downtown Mumbai to the Dargah. The path is filled with people walking to and from the Daragh. On the side of the path you walk back on you will see one of these pour souls begging for money every 15 to 20 feet. Near the middle of the path there is a group of beggars lying in a circular formation with each of their missing appendages on display, chanting "Wah-wah, Wah-wah, Wha-wah," as people walk by. For the rest of my life I will remember seeing and hearing this group of men lying in a circle and chanting.

CODA

I have gotten a couple of derisive comments about this blog being negative and one sided. To this all I can say is, it is one-sided, it's my side, this blog is a first hand account of things I have seen while in Mumbai for the last week, that is the only side I can write about. It was not written with any negativity because I don't feel negatively about the experience that I have had thus far in India. The experiences I have recounted: going through customs, working along side the emerging Indian-middle class, having lunch with co-workers and sightseeing in North Mumbai and Downtown Mumbai were encountered as someone that is living and working in India. I am not trying to be Christiane Amanpour, I don't want to expose anything, I have no agenda to convey. I am only trying to convey as honestly and objectively as possible the things that I have found funny, sad, interesting, or disturbing in the time I have been here.

Eating in India

Everyone has to eat, its universal, you would think that eating habits would be similar across the globe.  It has taken a week in Mumbai to realize that this is not the case at all.  People eat very differently here.   

The most obvious difference is that all the food has an indian twist.  I understand that the intentions are good- the chef may be thinking to himself, "Why eat a cheese sandwich when you could be eating a cheese sandwich with tomatos, cucumbers, potatoes AND CHUTNEY!"  Now, this wouldn't be an issue if the description of the dish reflected what said dish consisted of, for instance "Cheesburger" should be more accuratly described as "Meat masala flavored sandwich topped with onions, tomatos and chutney."  I am not opposed to jazzing things up, everyone that has eaten anything I cook knows I love to jazz things up.  I, however, draw the line at the covert jazzing up of breakfast items.  There is nothing worse than biting into a warm, flaky croisant and finding... it is filled with sabzi (translation: curried indian cooked vegetables)!  Not the best start to my day.  This is probably why half the time when I cook things at home my mom thinks they are "phicka" (translation: bland), I guess she is expecting things to be "jazzed up" with some chuntey or turmeric or something.  

Not only is what people eat here different, how they eat is completely different as well.  Everyone is always talking about how much American's eat- watching people eat here puts things into perspective.  The average lunch meal here consists of one of the following:   

Chicken item, vegetarian item, 4 rotis 
Chicken item, vegetarian item, 2 paranthas 
Chicken item, vegetarian item, massive amount of rice  

Each one of these can be had for approximatly 30 rupees, which is about $.60.  Yesterday, I ate a Cheesge Saaandvich (20 rupees) for lunch and the two co-workers with me were like, "Is that all you are going to eat?".  Since when is a sandwich not a decent lunch?    

There is also this idea of the afternoon snack, which one typically eats around 3 or 4 PM.  The first day I came into work, I was pretty jet lagged and not hungry at the american lunch time of noon.  At about 3:30 I decided to go to the canteen (translation: cafeteria) to get something to eat.  I ran into a co-worker there, let's call him Robert, we start talking and I ask him "Does everyone eat lunch this late here?" and he says "Oh no, this is my afternoon snack."  He had a  Cheesge Saaandvich. :-)   

It's not that people are always eating here- sometimes they fast too.  Today around 1 PM Robert messages me and asks me if I would like to get lunch.  I am thrilled, of course, because for the most part not many people have been talking to me.  We are at the canteen and I ask him what he is going to get, he responds "Oh, I am fasting today."  To this I am thinking "Huh? Why would he want to go to lunch if he's not eating."  But I just do the indian head nod and go with the flow.  I go to one of the counters and order food and when I get back to our table I see that Robert has a plate of fruit and a bowl of yogurt.  Apparently, eating 2 of the 4 food groups constitutes fasting in India.    

Despite the giant lunches, interesting interperation of fasting, and snacks everyone here appears to be pretty tiny, I am not sure how to explain this.  I have a feeling that this is somehow related to they mystery of how a tiny japanese woman win's the Nathan's hot dog eating competition every year.      

In contrast to the giant meals the drinks here are tiny.  Coffee which costs 5 rupees (about 10 cents) is served in two sizes small and large (peculiarly they both cost 5 rupees).  The small size is served in a cup, literally, the size of a dixie cup.  The large size is served in a cup that is smaller than those tiny styrofoam cups, the ones that no one would dare to ever serve coffee in had the coffee been served in America.   Vessel aside, the contents of the cup are not exactly what one traditionally thinks of as coffee.  "Regular" coffee is comprised a tiny amount of very strong espresso (or what appears to be espresso) and then the cup is topped off with hot milk.  Of course, the milk is jazzed up with some sugar. The "Black" coffee is pretty much the same except the espresso is topped off with hot water.  I have switched to black coffee, primarily because I am afraid of drinking unpasturized milk.   

On a related note, there is an intersting hand washing custom that takes place in the cafeteria.  After lunch everyone goes to this small room to the left of the dish drop off station to and wash and dry their hands.  I suppose that this makes sense because it is customary to eat with your hands.  The interesting thing is I have not seen anyone washing their hands BEFORE they eat only afterwards.  

Tomorrow is Gandhi Jayanti, national holiday in India!  This means that I will have the day off- this will give me a chance to investigate things outside of the the office and the hotel.  I am planning on getting a cell phone and skype so I will be in verbal and txt communication shortly.

The first 40 (hours)

I have been in India for a whopping 40 hours so far, it might as well have been 40 days for how homesick I am already feeling. Despite all the claims everyone has been making about how modern India is, it definitely is not feeling like the United States in the 21st century, I'm not even sure that it feels like the United States circa ever. New York City feels like Missoula, Montana compared to how crowded Bombay is, I mean Mumbai (I still have yet to get the skinny on the Bombay/Mumbai issue).

The first thing I noticed when I got to work on Tuesday morning was how much taller I am than everyone else here. For those of you that know me, you know I am a towering 5'3," to compensate I like to rock the 3 to 4 inch heels at work. With the heels and properly hemmed pants I appear to be a reasonable 5'6" or 5'7." This my friends, is not very reasonable in Mumbai. In my heels I towered over all the girls in the office and was at eye level of most of the guys. In normal circumstance this would not be a big deal, I would go with it, but most people already look at me like I'm from outer space. One would think that being Indian myself, I would blend in and no one would be the wiser- this has NOT been my experience so far. I am not sure how they can tell, but everyone seems to know I am not a legit Indian (even when I am not talking).

When I am talking there is no question about it, I only get the you are from outer space look. The funny thing is even when people expect something to be said in english and I say something in english they do not seem to understand me. Today I went to lunch at the "canteen" (translation: cafeteria). I went to one of the counters and found that they had a "Cheese Sandwich" on the menu and I could see some panini presses behind the counter, so I was fairly confident that I would be getting a Grilled Cheese Sandwich... excellent! So I decide to order this, I walk directly to the counter because as I learned yesterday that there is no concept of a line or waiting in line, its more of a rush the person you want to talk to and start talking to them approach. Once at the counter I say "Cheese Sandwich" because for sure "Grilled Cheese" would have confused the guy. Adding any word "fluff," like "I would like a" or "Please" would have been a disaster. Unfortunately, "Cheese Sandwich" wasn't very much less confusing, he looked at me like I ordered something in Japanese that was not even on the menu. The exchange went as follows-

Me: Cheese Sandwich

Guy: (Confused Face)

Me: Cheese Sandwich

Guy: (Confused Face... Looks at friend)

Me: CHEESE Sandwich. (Pointing at giant sign that says Cheese Sandwich)

Friend: Cheesge Saaanndhvich

Guy: Indian head nod

After I finally managed to get my Cheesge Saaanndhvich, it turned out it wasn't half bad. The ketchup they gave me with my Cheesge Saaanndhvich was another story though!

Obviously Mumbai is not what I expected it would be like- but It's pretty entertaining so far. My hotel however, is pretty sick. This is the view from outside my window:

This is the hotel pool where I will be wilin' out this weekend. I have been checking out the pool situation every morning when I wake up and thus far I have yet to see person the first actually swimming in the pool or laying out by the pool. I have however seen lots of people cleaning the pool and the area surrounding the pool.

The picture taken from the window in my room really does not do this pool justice so check out the picture from the hotel website.

More pictures of the view from my room are on facebook.

More official pictures are on the hotel website.

Customs in India

Why is going to customs and immigration always so shady? I went through customs a couple hours ago with two laptops - one company issued and one client issued. Immediately I was pulled aside and questioned about the laptop situation. I explained to the customs agent that I was in India for business and both laptops were company issued laptops and I needed them for work. She begins to explain that I need to pay the duties for the second laptop. I am by no means an expert on assessing duties and customs regulations but I was under the impression that you don't pay duties on things that belong to you i.e. you brought into the country to use and you will take with you when you leave. So I relay this understanding to the customs agent and she does the Indian head nod thing that I am not sure if means yes or no and continues to reiterate that I need to pay the duties on the 2nd laptop. Customs is customs and I believe in abiding by the rules of the country you are in (I feel myself wanting to launch into a tirade about Lara Ling, but I will refrain), so I say ok and ask her how much I owe. She pauses for a few seconds and asks how much the laptops were purchased for. I of course don't know since I didn't purchase either of these laptops- I tell her they are about 2 years old so maybe they are worth $800 USD a piece. She busts out the calculator to determine how much I owe, which floored me because I thought Indian people, especially Indian people from India were supposed to be really awesome at math and spelling. But in any case, she says I owe $180. I say sure, I mean not a big deal for me because I am going to charge this in, these are not even my laptops. I do however ask her to give me a copy of the policy that says the duties are assessed on laptops that are to be used for business. She looks at me for a second and tells me don't worry she'll give me a receipt. A receipt is great, but I still want a copy of some policy, because the last thing I need right now is an audit of my expenses. Without really acknowledging my request she turns and starts flipping through a book at her desk. At this point I am not really sure what is going on or what she is doing, but she has my passport so I just continue to wait. After a few minutes she leaves, still with passport in hand. She comes back with another book and says she has the policy- but doesn't really make any attempt to let me see it. I ask to read it and she hands it to me, the page is talking about laptops and duties and things that are related to the situation I am in, in the fact that the document talks about laptops and fees, but not really describing any situation close to the one I am in. As I am reading- not really making much sense of this book and starting to not really care and wanting to just give her $180 so I can leave- she suddenly says "You are really going to leave with both laptops, right?" I say "Yes, they belong to [insert name of company], I have to take them back with me." This brings on a final head nod, which I assumed meant OK because I hightailed it outta there and no one followed me.

I am not sure what the more shady part is- trying to exact these duties on my laptop for no reason or letting me go without paying them.

International Airports

So it turns out that flight attendants, gate agents and airport personnel in international airports are on just as much of a power trip as their respective counterparts in the United States. I am not sure why I thought that this would be any different in other parts of the world.

This morning I am at the counter to talk to the Lufthansa guard of the Star Alliance Gold lounge during my layover in Frankfurt and he's giving me static about not having my United Premiere Exec card. I am asking him very simple and polite questions to figure out what I need to do to get into this lounge (besides flying over 50 thousand soul crushing miles this year so far). And he says to me:

"I zoo nut hhhhaveee timee to explain, I am verrrry beeezzey."

I wanted to scream at him:

"You get paid to stand here and deal with people that walk up to this counter. Explaining this to me is EXACTLY what you should have time for!"

Instead I just nodded and smiled stiffly and walked away. He better just wait till I am back for the layover on my return flight. He'll get his.

So not only are international gate agents on a power trip, one woman totally tried to pull a fast one on me.

I am sitting at the gate, post altercation with German lounge guard, and an agent approaches me and asks me very officially if I have filled out this form. I get slightly concerned and say no, what form do I need to fill out. She responds with some official description of what very obviously is Lufthansa's mileage account. After the newly realized uselessness of all my stupid United Miles, I had no intention of signing up for more useless crap that will only lead to electronic and physical spam mail. I say "No Thanks" and go back to my book (which is awesome - details on this forthcoming). This for some reason appalls her and she continues to tell me - in her very official international gate agent manner - that this is something that is very important for me to fill out. After her 7.5 minute tirade on the importance of filling out this application, I tell her I already have a miles account. When she realized that I know that there is no reason I have to deal with her and her un-fruitful mileage account she finally says OK and leaves. Of course, she begins her official harassment of the next person over...

And it begins.

Sometimes I say stuff... and no one is around to hear the hilarious, exciting, annoying or just plain ridiculous things that I say, see or do. This is because, I travel at least 5 days a week and 50 weeks out of the year so I end up sharing more of the day to day goings-ons of my life with people that are practically strangers to me. Namely, co-workers, flight attendants, the lady that sells me coffee every morning at Alonti cafe, cab drivers and the security guards in the buildings I work in.

I want this blog to be a way to share the little things that happen every day that are worth mentioning with my friends and family, but not really worth mentioning weeks or months after they happen.