Number 1

A couple years ago I picked up this silly saying about looking out for number one, ie yourself, as time has gone by I have taken this to heart. I wish I remembered where I heard this from or why it stuck as well as it did (if someone does remember, remind me!). Over the years (half in earnest and half in jest) I have said "You gotta look out for number one" in response to a lot of things: getting out of things I didn't want to do, making sure my young nieces remembered that life was not all about making other people happy, working out when I should be doing something of more utility (like work, laundry, spending time with my family), and million other things... Most of my friends and family know that I won't do things just because you are supposed to or out of obligation, so they don't even bother trying to wear me down about certain things because they know it just won't happen. (The only exception to the rule is my Mom, if she says it, it pretty much goes)

A few days ago, I heard about something that took place while I was in India and I thought it was pretty callous. It's not something really worth making a big deal of, because I am sure it won't end up affecting my life in the long run, but it certainly was something that left me speechless for a minute or two (and I usually ALWAYS have something to say). When I finally did formulate a thought, I couldn't help but think "The girl took lookin' out for number one pretty effin' seriously."

I am issuing an official amendment to the number one rule for myself: When looking out for number one make sure you are not mauling down numbers two through 25ish (or even running over one of their pinky toes a little bit).

Cool songs about number one.

Goldfrapp - Number One

Ms. John Soda - No. 1

Also, it's good to be home again, even if it is just for a week. :-)

Thanksgiving/Halloween

Everyone loves Halloween.  How could you not love halloween?  You get to dress up as whatever you heart desires, get into all sorts of trouble, and shriek wildly pretty much anytime anyone walks by.   Unfortunately, halloween is  not a holiday that is celebrated in India.  This was very sad for me.  (I even brought Halloween cards with me from the United States to give to all the new and awesome friends I was planning on making in India...)  

Since I missed it I am planning on making it up to myself and to all of you who didn't get to have as awesome of a Halloween because I was not around.  Halloween this year is a re-do, so everyone get ready for... Hallowgiving! Yup, you heard it.  I will be dressing up for Thanksgiving.  

My costume ideas so far are:   

Pumpkin, both Halloween and Thanksgiving themed 
Turkey, will be fun for all the kiddies 
Bumble bee, only cos that's what I wanted to be for Halloween   

I am open to suggestions if any one has any better ideas.   

I almost forgot the most important news: I will be home for the week of Thanksgiving, I get in to Dulles, Friday, November 20th at 2:30PM. 

*The inflatable turkey above was in a care package from some of my co-workers in Chicago. Thanks Scott, Sam and Allison!!!

$$$

Yesterday I went to the local D-Mart to buy some eye drops.  I handed over a one thousand rupee note to pay for the eye drops that cost Rs. 110.  The sales clerk takes a look at it and pushes it back to me and says "I can't take this note" and points to the ripped corner of the note, which I had not even noticed previously.  I am thinking to myself, "Can this guy be for real, but ok... fine."  I ask him what I should do with this slightly damaged 1000 rupee note, he tells me I have to go to the bank to exchange this for an undamaged note.  Annoying... yes, but, not totally ridiculous.  Mostly annoying because I don't carry very much cash on me or a credit card (since I don't really need very much cash on the daily), so I had to leave without my eye drops. 

This morning I asked my driver if he would go to the bank and exchange this damaged note for an undamaged one.  He calls me about 30 minutes after he dropped me off at work and says "The bank won't exchange it, they want the missing piece."  Un-fuckin-believable.  Do they think someone else is going to try to exchange the tiny missing corner for a new note?   I am so irritated by this.  Not that a wasted Rs. 1000, $21.60 USD, is an unrecoverable loss for me, but IT IS for some people here.  Like my driver, who went to the Bank to exchange this for me, he makes between 5000 Rs. and 10,000 Rs. a month, depending on how much overtime he works.  If he were to have withdrawn this very 1000 rupee note from an ATM that would have been A FIFTH of his income, POOF! GONE!, and there is nothing that he could have done about it.  How is someone supposed to recover from something like this?  

It's things like this that make me miss home, things that should be simple but aren't.  Running over to the drug store to buy eye drops should not be an ordeal that takes three days.  You come to appreciate how you can walk into any store back home and use a bill as long as you have at least a 2/3rds of it.  If its ripped completely in half you can just tape it together and go to the bank and get a new one, no questions asked.  

With this useless 1000 rupee note, I could have purchased the following:  
30 lunches at the canteen
200 tiny cups of black coffee from the canteen
4 movie tickets
2 redbull vodkas
50 loaves of bread
4 cans of lunch meat in a can
6 awesome watches off the street
20 cups of coffee from Cafe Coffee Day (The Starbucks of India)
83 Vada Pav sandwiches from Jumbo King
1 Marriott burger,fries and a diet coke from room service at the Renaissance (I know its ridiculously over priced)

 I know all this, because I have purchased all of the above while in Mumbai.

Bean Bag 32668802

For some reason through out the city of Mumbai people have tagged walls, fences, and buildings with "Bean Bag" and a phone number.

I found this to be really perplexing. I know what a bean bag is, everyone knows what a bean bag is-- giant bag filled with beans that is not really as comfortable to sit on as you would think. But why would Bean Bag be tagged all over the city?

I asked my new driver, Jhaved, what 'Bean Bag' meant. He said bean bags are "The flowers that float on Lake Powai, people collect them and can sell by calling the Bean Bag number." I thought this was a little odd, but I didn't question him about this.

Today at work I instant messaged one of my co-workers, to confirm what Jhaved had said.

Me... hey
do you have a sec?
Co-worker... hi
sure
Me... i have a kind of random question
Co-worker... go ahead
Me... have you seen that there is this graffiti around the city that says bean bag and has a phone number
what does that mean?
Co-worker...
it means that if you'd like to buy a bean bag, u could call that number
u see, bean bags are quite expensive
and these guys supposedly sell it for cheap
Me... A giant bag filled with beans to sit on, right?
Co-worker... right
Me... ok. mystery solved. thanks

Turns out, sometimes things are exactly what you think they are.

Red Tape

A part of working at Big Time Consulting is incurring expenses, while I have been in India I have incurred my fair share of expenses.  In order to get reimbursed for all these expenses on the 15th and last day of every month all Big Time Consulting employees have to make copies of all their receipts and the bar coded envelope that they use to mail them in before dropping this envelop in the mail.  Although annoying, this is pretty easy to do, when in the United States.    

Since Big Time Consulting is an global consulting firm you would think this would be pretty easy to execute while at Big Time Consulting Mumbai Office.  This has not been the case.  At every US Big Time Consulting office you will find stacks upon stacks of expense envelopes, one type for mailing expenses from inside the United States and one type for mailing expenses from outside the United States.  On September 30th I walked over to the Facilities and Services office at the Mumbai office and asked for some international expense envelopes so I could mail my expenses.  Of course, they had no idea what I was talking about.  Apparently you can only get international expense envelopes while you are physically in a domestic Big Time Consulting office.  I placed an order to have said international expense envelopes mailed to me at the hotel and finally 15 days after they were mailed I got them!   

Today after I xeroxed my receipts and envelopes I headed to the mail room in the office to drop off my envelopes and finally put an end to the "Missing Expense Notice" emails I have been receiving for the last couple weeks.  The first guy I spoke to told me I needed a charge code to mail this envelope (because we are Big Time Consulting we like to charge ourselves internally too!).  I showed him the envelope and explained that the postage would be paid by the addressee, so I didn't need to buy any postage.  He waves over his boss at this point. His boss takes a look at my envelope and says he need to make a phone call.  He calls someone and tells me to wait the person he called is on his way.  After a few minutes guy number 3 comes over and takes a look at my envelopes and makes a call to another guy.  Guy number 3 and guy number 4 confer on the telephone for a few minutes in Hindi, with a sprinkle of the English phrases that are written on the envelop: "No postage necessary if mailed to the United States;"  "International business reply mail;" "Postage will be paid by addressee."      

After the details of the envelope were discussed, I was told: 

"These envelopes are only for mailing things in the US.  You need a charge code to send this."
 
To which I replied:  
"But, it says 'International Business Reply, Postage Paid'" 
 
At this point guy number 3 smiles and responds:  
"I know. [Long Pause] But, I need a charge code for every letter."
 
I guess you can't fight the Big Time Consulting red tape, even in India.

Kelly Kapoor and The Office

I love "The Office," everyone in their right mind does, and I love Kelly from "The Office."

Charles Miner: Okay, I'm gonna call you "Kapoor", and you, "Hannon."

Kelly Erin Hannon: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.

Charles Miner: Erin? Okay, that's... very pretty.

Kelly Kapoor: Well, you know what my name is? Rajanigandha, and I hate it. I hate it!

[runs out of Charles' office]

Kevin Malone: I thought Rajanigandha was a boy's name

What's not to love?  Not only do I love Kelly who is the perfect balance of self-involved and self-deprecation, I also love Mindy Kaling, who plays Kelly on "The Office."  I decided I loved her the first time I read her blog http://mindyephron.blogspot.com/ where she blogs about things she bought that she loves!  (The only irritating thing about the blog is that she stopped updating)  

Not many of you know this but... I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is friends with Mindy.  Ok, so I don't really know what this chain is but I am pretty confident that it exists.  But, I am friends with someone who met Mindy (once) and she laughed at a joke he made and said he was funny.  He in turn thinks I am funny so I am sure if Mindy and I ever met she would think I was funny and we would hit it off and become like those inseparable best friends that play every day after school...er... I mean work, right?  Right?  

So why the tirade about how much I love Kelly and Mindy, well I just saw this: 

http://www.subtlesexuality.com/  

The music video is hilarious and awesome and I want this to spread like a case of crabs at MTVs spring break.   Also, I just saw the episode where Pam and Jim get married on the office and it was NON-STOP hilarity.  If you don't watch the office you should start stat um.  

I wish my work day was like a day at "The Office," even if it meant I had to move to Scranton, PA.